She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
