im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
