I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
