I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
