Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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