I wish my penis had an off switch
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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