She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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