I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
