I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
third nipple confirmed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize