hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
