Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We need to get me chipped asap
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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