your parents love me but you hate me
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize