You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize