apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
