Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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