She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize