drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
