Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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