The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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