First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize