Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
