it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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