I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
