Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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