just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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