is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
