im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
