U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My vagina is officially offended.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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