I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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