i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He kissed a someone with a penis
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
