I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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