She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize