Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
