Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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