Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
