I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
