i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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