summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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