I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
