New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Randomize
