was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
