Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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