He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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