i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
