i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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