happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
