this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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