i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
