it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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