I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
