Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
