The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
