Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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