11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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