Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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