If i come over, it means nothing
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
