I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's just like the Real World with babies
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
