Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to calm my uterus...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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