i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
