DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
