All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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