I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
