2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
