He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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