There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
