If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
