Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize