if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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