she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
