No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize