so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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