textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize