I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize