I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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