i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Even my vagina gasped.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
