Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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