I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
