I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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