Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
