Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
