I think I just saw someone hide a body.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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