I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
