i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
