He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
