Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
