so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
