yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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