Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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