god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize