I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
