I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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