I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
