i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
