Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
