I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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