OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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