if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize