Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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