I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
